


Can't Cover Up

by uwuJISUNGie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Confessions, Cute Ending, Depression, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Relationship(s), Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 05:29:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwuJISUNGie/pseuds/uwuJISUNGie
Summary: Mark has had a crush on Taeyong since as long as he could remember. The crush only started out as admiration towards the elder, thinking he looked cool and the way he portrayed his stage presence made him look up to Taeyong.-Or where Mark and Taeyong both like each other and are afraid of telling one another but Mark can't cover up his heart





	Can't Cover Up

Mark was scared, no, more like terrified. What was he supposed to do? Keep it to himself? Not the best idea when the thought was eating away at his brain cells. He needed to tell someone, if not everyone. What would they say? The mere thought of telling everyone about it made him feel nauseous. How was he supposed to put in words that he had the most biggest, enormous, gayest crush on Taeyong? Would they think he was disgusting? He hoped not.

Mark has had a crush on Taeyong since as long as he could remember. The crush only started out as admiration towards the elder, thinking he looked cool and the way he portrayed his stage presence made him look up to Taeyong. This eventually turned into him watching NCT stages (mainly Taeyong focuses) on his phone without anyone knowing. Basically this turned into an obsession with him watching Taeyong on stage. Lastly this turned into him staring at him from afar, blushing easily when they were close to each other. That’s when he knew he had a crush on him but it’s been like a whole year since he realized it and it’s only gotten worse.

It’s hard for Mark to even physical be around him without him getting nervous and anxious. He always tried to make sure he was around others when Taeyong was in the room with him. The only one who knew about his crush was Doyoung. He had known since he saw Mark’s watch history on YouTube filled with Taeyong fancams. He eventually asked Mark about it and he cried being afraid he was gonna tell someone. Doyoung assured him he wouldn’t tell anyone without asking first.

Skipping ahead, NCT U was about to fly to Ukraine to film there music video for Boss, their upcoming comeback with 2 new debuting members. Mark had always been a little afraid of flying so he took the opportunity to sit next to Johnny for some “comfortableness,” he’d never admit that to him though. Luck wasn’t really on his side today considering the fact Ten was going with them which means he would have to sit near someone else, cause he tends to whine if he doesn’t get to sit near him. And he also found out last minute Ten was going to be in a sub unit with Taeyong.

Not that he was mad or anything…but that’s exactly what he was saying. Why wasn’t he in the sub-unit with Taeyong? Although he was pretty sure he’d pass out due to extreme exhaustion and probably avoid him, but none the less, couldn’t he have got an option to do it with him anyway? He was sure that someone had planned this. As much as he tried to avoid him, he still wanted to have Taeyong’s full attention on only him. At that thought Mark sighed, running his fingers through his hair out of frustration. Was he really that selfish? To have one of his hyungs ignore the other members, was beyond his imagination. Why would he think something like that? He closed his eyes and tilted his head up towards the sky. It was snowing. He felt delicate snowflakes fall and melt onto his lukewarm skin, coloring his eyelashes a pretty white. His lips curved upward at the thought of being able to expand and broaden his verses on the airplane with the soothing feel of the way the snow fell lightly on to the ground, covering it like a blanket.

He opened his eyes and looked at the snowflakes falling from the sky, drifting towards his face. They reminded him of Taeyong. Bright, vibrant, captivating, free. He was just…perfect. Why must he make him act so dumb? He would just stand there and Mark would get all hot and start blushing when he looked at him. His sharp yet sort doe like eyes, long eyelashes, autumn red hair that pared perfectly with his gorgeous sun kissed skin. His beautiful carved nose, sexy chiseled jawline and perfectly shaped lips, ah, those lips. He’s definitely thought of kissing his lips more then he could count on both of his hands. His personality adorned his looks perfectly. So patient and loving yet reassuring and logical. His aura was so relaxing. He’d do whatever it was to make you in a better mood even if he wasn’t in one himself. He was so selfless. That’s what he loved most about Taeyong.

He shook his head. Think of something else. You need to act astray when it comes to your feelings. Why are you so weak? He sighed again. He missed Vancouver. He didn’t have to think and do so much there. It was a lot easier for to him to get things done without constant thoughts of over excursion to his body. He tilted his head back down and sighed again to only realize everyone was outside already, waiting for their manager. He hadn’t noticed Taeyong’s piercing gaze burning holes into his forehead or more like he tried to avoid it. Jaehyun had said something to Mark in plain English, but with Taeyong staring at him so intensely, made him forget how to speak. 

“Huh?” Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

“I had asked you if you were okay. You looked lost in thought.” Mark’s eyes widened. Had he not been mindful to not cover up his feelings today? He’d been so good with keeping his stress, worries and depression down in the abyss of his distorted mind. With every unit coming back within the month put a lot of stress on him, but he didn’t want anyone to notice. He didn’t know what to say to him. He wasn’t gonna say he’s fine because Jaehyun’s a hawk, he’d know if he was lying. 

Jaehyun sighed. It was practically written on his forehead. STRESS. He could see it. Mentally but mostly physically. Mark had lost some weight since they started their diets again but it was worse then their last comeback. He was just worried. He patted Mark’s head and smiled crookedly. 

“Don’t overwork yourself. If you’re tired, say so. I don’t want you to die because you’re not healthy.” Jaehyun had a frown on his face. If only he had known the real causes of Mark’s spacing out and stress. Mark was used to the overly packed schedule. It didn’t bother him that much anymore. He was still worried about it, but that wasn’t the main cause of all of his problems. It was Taeyong. The same Lee Taeyong that had watched over Mark, made sure he was okay and wasn’t over doing it in practice. The same Lee Taeyong that had comforted him when he was home sick and crying about missing his family. The same Lee Taeyong that he was head over heels for. He was still staring at him after all which didn’t make the situation any better. Mark just coughed and smiled at Jaehyun.

“I’ll be fine hyung, I promise I won’t cause any harm to myself.” Jaehyun grinned widely and gave Mark a pat on his back.

“Good.” Jaehyun beamed and walked away. Mark sighed heavy. He just wanted to go back to the dorm and sleep. 

-

Everyone arrived at the airport not long after the manager came outside. Mark had been listening to music the whole time, zoning out, skipping songs that reminded him of… that someone. He wanted to feel normal again. Sometimes he wished he never found out about his feelings for him, maybe he’d be able to be around him and not feel the need to run away. Maybe he’d be more at ease, maybe- Someone pulled out one of his ear buds. He jumped. It was Yukhei.

“Mark, we gotta go.” Mark looked at everyone walking away from him and slightly jogged up to the rest of them. He bumped into a guy taking pictures of the rest of the members and fell straight onto his ass. You’ve gotta be kidding me. He just carelessly walked into someone and is now being trampled over? It hurt like hell. People touching him, not regularly but inappropriately, trying to get his attention, people yelling in his face. He tried to get up only to fall back down again due to the amount of fans around him. He felt a pair of hands around his waist and internally screamed from being scared it was a saesang fan. He was indeed wrong, it was Taeyong.

He helped him up off the ground and pulled Mark towards him, putting both his hands on either side of his shoulders out of protection. Taeyong gave the crowd of people a dirty look and pulled Mark closer to himself. If looks could kill, they’d probably be dead by now. Why did he help Mark if he was no where near him when walking through the airport? Mark hadn’t dared to ask, afraid to make Taeyong upset any further. He kept his question to his self. Taeyong didn’t say anything, trying to get his mind off of the people who almost hurt Mark.

As soon as they were out of the paparazzi’s sight, Taeyong moved his gaze to Mark and started to search his face and his body. Mark yelped as his hands went straight under his shirt. What was he doing!?  
“You’re not hurt anywhere right?” Mark gave no answer and pushed Taeyong’s hands away. He looked up at him since he was kneeling. Mark blushed, a light rosy pink dusted his cheeks as he looked away.  
“I’m fine hyung. D-don’t worry about what hap-“

“No.” Mark looked at Taeyong through his peripheral vision and frayed his eyebrows together. Taeyong sighed and stood up. “I’m not gonna just forget about-“

“Hyung I’m okay. I wouldn’t lie t-to you.” Why do I keep stuttering? I know he’s beautiful but I need to keep my composure. Taeyong nodded slowly and frowned. He opened his mouth to say something but their manager called for him. Mark was grateful for that. Did he have some type of luck today even if it’s tiny? He wondered. Did Doyoung tell their manager!? No he wouldn’t, why would he? He was probably over analyzing it, he had been over analyzing things a lot lately. He sighed.

Everyone was eventually on the plane, Mark sat by himself in the back listening to music like he always did and working on his studies. He did still go to school so he had to make sure was on top of things that involved it. He’d been falling off a bit, no one actually realized but himself. He needed to concentrate, but Taeyong is taking up his mind and is causing him to stall. He closed his laptop and tilted his head back on the seat. Get a hold of yourself! If you don’t now you’ll hurt yourself! No one can do it for you Mark! He started to get a headache from arguing with himself. He needed to throw whatever doubts and distractions he had out the window and finish his studies or he’ll end up falling behind. Mark really just wanted to go back to Canada.

-

They ended up in Ukraine not that long after getting on the plane. Only cause Mark fell asleep it went really fast. He was disappointed in himself for falling asleep and not finishing his work, but with his pact schedule who wouldn’t fall asleep? Their manager had explained to them that there was only 4 rooms so someone would have to share a room with him and the rest split off in to twos. Mark had a mini panic attack and almost had to excuse himself to the bathroom when their manager said that he picked the arrangements for the rooming situation. Doyoung looked at Mark, fear had slapped him in the face. He put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and leaned close to him.

“You’re rooming with Xuxi, I made sure manager hyung didn’t question me about why you guys should be in a room together. I mean you guys are the same age.” Mark breathed out a heavy sigh he didn’t know he was holding and smiled.

“Thanks hyung.”

“No problem, I got you.” Doyoung winked. Mark hit him slightly on his arm and laughed when he pouted. He walked to the hotel room with Yukhei, talking about some random anime he watched, he started to feel drowsy. He was used to jet lag and him constantly feeling tired but he felt drained, lifeless even. He didn’t do much that day but his internal battles had been making him feel like this. He started to drown out Yukhei, not on purpose, but due to his head pounding and lack of focus. Mark pushed the door open and flopped down on the queen sized mattress closest to him. He sighed and closed his eyes and put his arm over his face. Not a headache, migraine. He rubbed his eyes with his fists and yawned. Why was he so exhausted? He started dosing off. The mattress was so soft, comfort hugged him, inviting him in to a deep slumber. His body felt heavy, he was almost-

“Mark! You cant just fall asleep on me like that!” Mark jerked up quickly. Yukhei’s voice was loud. He stretched and yawned again. 

“Sorry bro.” Yukhei gave Mark a serious look and sat next to him. Mark was started feeling nervous. Yukhei rarely ever got serious.

“Okay, spill. What’s been bothering you? Or more like who’s been bothering you.” Mark was takin back. What makes him think he’s not fine? Well he’s really not fine but he’s not telling him that. He didn’t say anything. Yukhei sighed and shook his head.

“Mark, I’m not gonna tell anyone!” Yukhei laughed. Mark turned his head in his direction and shushed him.  
“Be quite! Someone might hear you!” He half whispered half yelled. Yukhei rolled his eyes and just stared at Mark till he said something. Mark sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest and put face in his lap.  
“Well… How can I be sure I can trust your judgment!?”

“Mark, Doyoung hyung told me to switch rooms with Taeyong hyung. He was supposed to be in here with you and I was supposed to be with Jaehyun hyung. I know it has to do with Yongie but, I don’t know what it is exactly…” Mark didn’t say anything, instead he got his laptop out of his bag, opened it and typed out what he was gonna say without having to say it out loud. He was embarrassed. Would Yukhei think he was disturbing? Would he not wanna be friends with him anymore? 

“What are you doing? Yah! Just tell me already, please!” Mark shushed him again and Yukhei apologized to him. Mark was hesitant with showing him the documents page on his laptop. One, this shit is very, very personal, two, Taeyong doesn’t know Mark’s feelings and he’s afraid he might tell him and three, it’s kinda…long. Yukhei pouted angrily and snatched Mark’s laptop from his sweaty palms. Mark gasped and hid behind a pillow that was on the mattress. Why was he so stupid? He shouldn’t have wrote all that. After awhile of silence, Yukhei moved over to Mark and gave him a hug. Mark was confused, why was he hugging him? Shouldn’t he be mad and disgusted with him?

“YOU’RE SO CUTE MARK-AH!! YOU’RE IN LOVE~~!” Mark hit him and buried his face further in the pillow.  
“Stop, someone’s gonna hear you.” Yukhei managed to move the pillow away from Mark and have him look directly at him. He seemed tense. From the way his stature looked, he seemed some what off.  
“Why would you think I’d not like you? Is it cause your gay?” Mark nodded his head softly, looking down at his hands. Yukhei rolled his eyes.

“You gotta be shittin me right? Mark, you’re the coolest person I know. You put up with my shit for one. Two you are in three subunits after all and you’re still kickin it, and three, you’re balancing all of that with school, taking care of dream, and having your own secret love life. That’s something I don’t think I would ever be able to pull off. Who gives a fuck if you’re gay? That doesn’t bother me one bit. And if it bothers anyone else then fuck them.” Mark just sat there. He was shocked. Did he really mean this? Wait of course he did. Why do I always make everything seem so damn difficult?

“Wow…Thanks, I don’t think I’ve ever actually got a compliment like that before. It feels kinda weird. Sorry for being delusional” Yukhei smiled and ruffled Mark’s hair. 

“Don’t apologize bro. What makes you think you’re delusional?”

“I’ve just been so downcast lately to the point where my cognition of how I view everyone and everything has changed. I wish it hadn’t but I feel like it won’t completely change my view on things, as long as I have you guys… besides Taeyong…” Yukhei frowned. Why does he think like this? Yukhei wished he didn’t beat himself up about useless stuff like this.

“Why don’t you think he returns your feelings?” Mark stopped his soon to be speech and froze. Why would he return Mark’s feelings? Mark shook his head.

“He obviously likes someone else, he told me before. He said to me one day that he had feelings for someone. I asked who it was and he said he didn’t wanna tell me so I just let it go. It hurt a lot. It still hurts but I can’t control who he can and can’t date. That’s out of my jurisdiction!” Yukhei gulped and looked away. Mark’s face softened. He’d been out of pocket, he should probably apolo-

“Sorry I walked in on you guys, the door was un…locked…” Mark’s eyes widened like a dear caught in headlights. He knew that voice anywhere. It was Taeyong.

“Hey I’m gonna go ask Sicheng something, be right back.” Mark tried to protest but Yukhei didn’t listen to him one bit. He closed their hotel door behind him and left. Mark was alone with Taeyong. He was more scared then the first time they went on stage to perform The 7th Sense. His face felt like he dipped it in boiling water he was so hot. Taeyong turned around and smiled. Mark felt like he was blinded. He was too bright. I’m gonna throw up. 

“Sorry I walked in on you two having such a serious conversation, I should’ve knocked.” He was too kind for his own good, if only he knew that they were talking about him. Mark wiped his sweaty hands on his pants and watched himself do it while replying a very quick, your fine, so that he didn’t have to look at him. He felt the bed dip a little and there was heat to his right. Mark turned his head towards him but didn’t realize how close their proximity was. He backed up quickly and Taeyong laughed. His cute giggles always made Mark squeal like a teenage fangirl, but he tried to ignore it this time.

“Have you been avoiding me? Well I- I mean I’ve noticed it these past few weeks but didn’t say anything till Doyoung brought it up. He seemed like he wasn’t supposed to tell me because he had this dumb panicked look on his face.” Mark opened his mouth but words didn’t come out. He can’t lie because the evidence was right in front of him, staring at him with the cutest doe eyed expression. He sighed for what seemed like the 8th time that day and nodded. Taeyong eyed him curiously and turned his entire body towards him. Mark sat in the same position, but eventually turned his body slightly to be able to see him. He immediately regretted doing so. The look on Taeyong’s face made Mark’s whole body feel heavy. Guilt was all that he felt in his heart.

“How come…no uh.. Why did you?” Taeyong’s voice came out small, weak almost. He wanted to know what he did to make Mark upset. He wanted to fix it so that they could be okay again. Mark was on the verge of tears he wanted to run. Run all the way to Doyoung and slap him right in the face. No, he shouldn’t take his anger out on him, this was his doing, not Doyoung’s.

“I…I…” Mark couldn’t speak. If he did he’d probably cry, he didn’t want Taeyong to see the weak side of him. How was he supposed to tell someone he was in love with that he loved him when he obviously likes someone else. His eyes stung and his throat hurt from holding back tears. Mark shook his head.  
“I’ve just b-been a little depressed l-lately… I’m fine now.” It wasn’t actually a lie purse, he was depressed and in his own head a lot. Taeyong sighed and grabbed both of Mark’s hands.

“But it was only me you avoided, right? Why is that? I know you probably don’t wanna talk about it but I just want you to tell me the truth. Please don’t lie to me.” That’s all it took for Mark to start sobbing. Taeyong’s arms flew around Mark quickly, his sobbing grew louder. Taeyong just hugged him, whispering softly in his ear to try and calm him down. It worked after awhile. Mark’s breathing evened out, only sniffles could be heard. Taeyong still had his arms around him, drawing invisible shapes on Mark’s back with his index finger. Should Mark really tell him? Maybe he should do this for himself for once and be greedy. He lifted his head up from Taeyong’s chest. He put a hand over Taeyong’s eyes and sighed.

“Can you not look at me w-when I say this?” Taeyong nodded and closed his eyes under Mark’s hand. He moved his hand away from Taeyong’s eyes and looked at him. He couldn’t cover up his heart anymore, especially when it came to him. Maybe it was a good thing? He was happy to be around him and that’s all that mattered, but should he really be greedy? Even if Taeyong wants to know what’s wrong with him? Wouldn’t this end their close friendship? He shook his head. He need to do this or he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night anymore.

“I…I’m…I think that, uh…I’m in l- love with y-you…” Wow, I stuttered a lot. Taeyong’s eyes fluttered open prettily. He had the biggest, brightest grin on his face and Mark thought he was blinded again. Taeyong grabbed Mark and hugged him so tight, he knocked the wind out of him and he almost couldn’t breathe. Mark tapped on Taeyong’s shoulder and he let go quickly.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Mark shook his head and the worry on Taeyong’s face was gone as soon as it came and replaced with a big grin again. Mark started to think, maybe he didn’t mind getting blinded by him after all. Taeyong grabbed Mark by his arms and made him sit on his lap. Mark started blushing. Their faces were so close. Mark could see every pore, every perfection, every imperfection. He tried to look away but Taeyong put both of his hands on either side of Mark’s face preventing him from doing so. His face flushed a deeper shade of crimson. Taeyong smiled. “Cute.”

“I-Im not cute!” Mark huffed, Taeyong laughed. He put his hand over Mark’s eyes like what he did to him earlier. Mark was confused but complied and closed his eyes. Taeyong moved his hand away from his eyes and stared at his face. He loved Mark in every single way. He didn’t realize he loved Mark till a few months ago but didn’t say anything because he thought Mark only thought of him as an older brother and nothing more. He looked down at his lips and leaned in slightly, he could only feel Mark’s breathing tickling the hairs on his face. Mark grew inpatient and opened his eyes to only find Taeyong staring back at him. He couldn’t look away though. His gaze was almost hypnotic, putting him in a trance that made him lean forward.  
His eyes fluttered shut when he felt Taeyong’s lips on his. His lips were softer then he imagined. Pillow soft, making him want more. Taeyong put his hands back on his face to deepen the kiss further. Mark loved the feeling of Taeyong’s lips on his. He tasted sweet, like warm milk chocolate on a summer evening. He felt like he was in paradise, only to be interrupted by oxygen tapping on his shoulder. Taeyong was the one to pull away first, putting his forehead on Mark’s like the many times he did for Mad City, but this time Mark wasn’t as shy. He kissed the tip of Taeyong’s nose. He giggled and Mark let a squeal past his lips.  
“I love you too Mark. I always have, that will never ever change.” Mark put his hands on his cheeks to cover his everlasting blush. Taeyong moved his hands away from his face.

“So…does this mean that we’re dating?” Taeyong nodded. “Only if you want to.” Mark shook his head.  
“Of course I want to hyung.” Mark was as shy as ever and Taeyong found it adorable. He kissed Mark’s forehead.

“Hey, what good are those lips if they’re all the way up there?” Taeyong laughed and cupped Mark’s face with his hands.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” Mark pouted. Taeyong took this opportunity to kiss him while he was caught off guard. Mark kissed him back. Taeyong smiled to much to the point they weren’t kissing anymore. Mark pouted again.

“HYUNG!” Taeyong laughed again. Mark hit his chest and put his head on his shoulder. He was actually happy for once. He put his arms around Taeyong and breathed in his scent. Clean laundry and cologne. He heard the door open.

“Thank god!! Hey everyone! Markyong are together now!” Fucking Doyoung. He’d have to yell at him later and thank him. He heard murmurs in the background. He didn’t care if everyone saw him sitting on Taeyong’s lap because he felt better, mentally and emotionally. Normally he’d feel embarrassed for something like this, but if it wasn’t for Doyoung slipping up, he would have never confessed to Taeyong. It was much appreciated.  
He started thinking, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe he shouldn’t cover up his heart and true feelings anymore, maybe it won’t be so bad with the annoying overflowing schedule of his. As long as he had Taeyong, everything would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I'm putting up on here. This was originally posted on Tumblr. If you'd like to check out mine and my sisters other fanfictons, you can find us @lookastarlightnight on Tumblr!
> 
> This fanfiction is based off of one of Taeyeon's songs Cover up. I might have changed some things and added more words or something on the Tumblr one but I really don't remember.


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